Film at 11, right? Like, oh great, another blog about how it’s hard to lose weight. Next up, whingeing about people who whinge about things.

Seriously though, this business of trying to look less pudgy while still holding down a productive job and living one’s life is not at all trivial. Not drinking helps, of course, but then where does that leave you — sitting at home wishing you were having a glass of wine?

I think honestly the toughest thing about it is the time scale. Eating is immediate — it is something I do, right now, that relieves hunger. It is absolutely essential, and a pleasure, and my whole life is more or less organized around it. (Well, and also coffee, but that is a different story.) The steps required to be in decent physical shape and not too heavy, on the other hand, are most certainly not immediate. I’m going to go sit on a rowing machine in a few minutes and work myself into a lather for an hour or so, and that is not going to have any immediate effect on me other than making me sweaty. I’ll only notice the effect a couple of weeks from now when it’s easier to walk up steps.

To make matters worse, the rowing — beneficial as it is to my physical condition and my attitude — does not help one bit with the weight, not on a timescale I care about anyway (longer than three months). Not one iota. Nor, to be honest, does switching out carbs for protein or eating more fat or less fat or going vegan or any of the other things one tries. No, the fat just stays there until you make a “lifestyle change” that changes the condition it depends on.

Which, sadly, means I’m going to have to keep on with the not drinking. Clearly, if there is any kind of deity, its principal business is to mock me by first putting wine on the earth and then making it bad for me to drink it…